Go forth, my friends...

It was a glorious June day, just like this one, back in 19-aught-4 or so. There was pride in the air, the pride of young men and women who had worked hard and succeeded and were ready to conquer the world, with chutzpah as their swords and diplomas from a mildly prestigious public university as their armor.

But first, a ceremony, and a charge to carry into the battlefield of life. This charge would come from one man, a man with a middling academic performance, limited dating success and ears wide enough to securely prop up two or three graduation caps. A man not afraid to summarize four years of higher education with cheesy one-liners, a few verbal stumbles and one thinly veiled erection joke.

Were this man's words of wisdom timeless? It's not for me to say. But be not surprised if on this very spot today stands a monument in stone, one that is itself a conduit for a new generation coming from far and wide to find learning, and laughter, and life in these hallowed halls.

I think they made it a parking lot.