Forever holding my peace
I always admire the cajones of the couple willing to gamble on an outdoor wedding. When it works, to my mind it usually turns out to be a nicer setting than inside a church, but especially by the time you get into the middle of October, your're really starting to count on the good graces of the weather gods.
Our friends Carolyn and Clay scored over the weekend, with their wedding a smash hit in a gorgeous spot in the hills southeast of Asheville. The weather was perfect - just crisp enough to know autumn is here but no need for jackets. The weather was so nice, alas, that it brought out all the tourists who descend on western North Carolina for our leaf season even though we're probably a weekend or so away from the height of the show. That meant our shortcut to the wedding site probably instead added 20 minutes to the drive since we went through Chimney Rock and Lake Lure, which together become a mountainous two-lane combination parade and oblivious human obstacle course on any nice weekend. We got there about 90 seconds before the ceremony started, so at least we didn't have to try to just blend in with the wedding party walking down the aisle.
The ceremony was very nice - long enough to make it all worthwhile and memorable, but not so long that you start wishing for an intermission. They skipped my favorite part, though, where they ask for any objections from the audience - to me, that's always an enjoyable moment of suspense, kind of like a George Bush press conference where you get to wonder just what stupid thing he's going to say, and what the reaction might then be. Except, in that case there usually is something stupid said, and I've never actually heard anybody raise any objections at a wedding.
Now that I'm an a cynical old married man, I always also enjoy the fact that so much of a wedding ceremony is so foreboding. There's all this stuff about sickness and poverty and misery and how, no matter what, you're stuck with it now, kids. Is marriage really that tough? I know they throw in something nice-sounding for every forthcoming disaster for these two poor suckers, but I'm surprised more people don't change their minds at the last second and opt for something that offers a little better odds for happiness, like a really big sandwich.
At the risk of gloating or taunting fate, I have to say it's been pretty easy for us so far. Here's a helpful tip for you young folks out there - get dogs. Then you never have to have any actual fights, you can just complain about each other to the substitute children. "Fergus, Mommy has three baskets full of laundry on the floor again." "Fife, Daddy's being a pain in the ass about the laundry again." It's both effective and marvelously passive-aggressive and the dogs just think you're inviting them over for a pat on the head. I can't say for sure, but I'm guessing there might be more significant psychological consequences if you were to use a child instead of a dog, so if you're allergic to dogs, I'd suggest getting a house plant.
Our friends Carolyn and Clay scored over the weekend, with their wedding a smash hit in a gorgeous spot in the hills southeast of Asheville. The weather was perfect - just crisp enough to know autumn is here but no need for jackets. The weather was so nice, alas, that it brought out all the tourists who descend on western North Carolina for our leaf season even though we're probably a weekend or so away from the height of the show. That meant our shortcut to the wedding site probably instead added 20 minutes to the drive since we went through Chimney Rock and Lake Lure, which together become a mountainous two-lane combination parade and oblivious human obstacle course on any nice weekend. We got there about 90 seconds before the ceremony started, so at least we didn't have to try to just blend in with the wedding party walking down the aisle.
The ceremony was very nice - long enough to make it all worthwhile and memorable, but not so long that you start wishing for an intermission. They skipped my favorite part, though, where they ask for any objections from the audience - to me, that's always an enjoyable moment of suspense, kind of like a George Bush press conference where you get to wonder just what stupid thing he's going to say, and what the reaction might then be. Except, in that case there usually is something stupid said, and I've never actually heard anybody raise any objections at a wedding.
Now that I'm an a cynical old married man, I always also enjoy the fact that so much of a wedding ceremony is so foreboding. There's all this stuff about sickness and poverty and misery and how, no matter what, you're stuck with it now, kids. Is marriage really that tough? I know they throw in something nice-sounding for every forthcoming disaster for these two poor suckers, but I'm surprised more people don't change their minds at the last second and opt for something that offers a little better odds for happiness, like a really big sandwich.
At the risk of gloating or taunting fate, I have to say it's been pretty easy for us so far. Here's a helpful tip for you young folks out there - get dogs. Then you never have to have any actual fights, you can just complain about each other to the substitute children. "Fergus, Mommy has three baskets full of laundry on the floor again." "Fife, Daddy's being a pain in the ass about the laundry again." It's both effective and marvelously passive-aggressive and the dogs just think you're inviting them over for a pat on the head. I can't say for sure, but I'm guessing there might be more significant psychological consequences if you were to use a child instead of a dog, so if you're allergic to dogs, I'd suggest getting a house plant.
posted by Matt | 8:45 PM
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